urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:inyourdreamz103 On my own inyourdreamz103 2005-06-01T23:45:24Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:inyourdreamz103:34673 2005-06-01T23:45:24Z 2005-06-01T23:45:24Z System of a Down - Sad Statue holy shit... long time no update... idk where to even start... umm... so ive been workin alot lately im averagin 30 hour work weeks, and yes that is supposed to be part time but its good money at the same time so thats good, i can actually afford to do the stupid things i like to do in my free time. Im addicted to tanning now too. it makes me feel better too.. its relaxing. yeh yeh i know im weird but whatever. other than that i really dont know what else there is to say. so i guess thats it... later. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:inyourdreamz103:34429 2005-03-23T23:10:09Z 2005-03-23T23:10:09Z ok so yeh. heres the deal, the last few days i have been feeling more and more neglected by everyone that i know. not that its anyones fault in particular, it just seems like its everyone all at once. it started the other day and continued into last night with eric. and here i am now, sitting on my ass alone. i think im going to be leaving soon. not that anyone would really notice if i did leave or not, and its highly unlikely anyone would even miss me. so i guess the neglect is just training for the rest of my life. a life full of disappointment and loneliness. theres a happy life, but i should have seen it coming. so yeh, now that the rest of life is basically planned out i guess i can just go on drifting through life as if there was nothing to it.<br /><br />last night i thought about suicide, thats always fun. but it wasnt the act of killing myself that i was thinking about, it was more the way it would look to someone else who sees it happen. the way it played out in my mind was very poetic. but it was a thought, not an action so dont worry, not cuts scrapes or scratches here. <br /><br />well i guess thats all that i have to say for now. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:inyourdreamz103:34077 2005-02-24T00:39:30Z 2005-02-24T00:39:30Z ughhhhhh... i feel like absolute shit right now. i hate the winter and i hate gettin sick and i hate being a girl, what a great combo huh? anyways. well its yet another 23rd meaning yet another month has gone by with stupid, a.k.a. eric. so what is this now, 14? i dont even know for sure. i think its 14 months. nah, im pretty sure it is. how bad is that, i lost count lol. as i said to eric earlier if it werent for me he wouldnt remember what the date was, but then again if it wasnt for me he wouldnt have to worry about what date it was. lol so its a catch 22 i guess. and im not even seein him tonight, how sweet is that. another anniversary not spent with him, even though it is slightly retarded to celebrate every month, it would be nice to see him, but whatever i really dont care. lol <br /><br />right now im watchin peter pan return to never land cuz im a loser, then im watchin my soap opera from today cuz i missed it cuz of stupid school. so im gonna go lay down and watch tv and probly fall asleep mad early like every other night this week, the lastest ive gone to bed is like 11:30. its so early but i actually feel better kinda when i wake up in the morning so i guess its worth it, cuz i dont feel like im dead all damn day. <br /><br />cant wait to get tomorrow over with, after tomorrow im done with school for the week, god i love having fridays off. except its supposed to snow tomorrow, that im really kinda pissed at. i hate snow. HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT!!!! alright well its time for me to lay down cuz i feel icky. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:inyourdreamz103:33965 2005-02-10T05:18:42Z 2005-02-10T05:18:42Z well so yeh.. people suck but whatever. I dont really give a shit anymore. they can all rot in hell for all i care. <br /><br />tomorrow is gonna be a good day though. im so excited.first off, its thursday. last day of classes. im done at 12:15 and then i get to see Anthony. i cant wait to see him, i havent seen him in soooo long.its been like 2 months or something. but anyways... umm thats about it i guess. laterr. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:inyourdreamz103:33648 2005-02-07T07:43:39Z 2005-02-07T07:43:39Z Dark thoughts keep crossing my mind. They never seem to disappear. Haunting me everywhere I go. History really does repeat itself. I should have learned a long time ago, that there isnt much good left in this world. With all the pain and suffering Ive been through in my life, you would think that I would learn, but I dont. And I dont think I ever will. I keep hope as if it will save me from all the hurt that I feel. Hope does nothing expect make you weak. It makes you believe that dreams can come true and that love does exsist. But you know what, dreams dont come true and love doesnt exsist. There isnt really anything left here for me except the pain. Im tired of the pain. I want it to end. So here I am, making it end. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:inyourdreamz103:33475 2005-01-28T04:34:42Z 2005-01-28T04:34:42Z Something Corporate - Konstantine I think I'm going to quit life. I wonder if you can even quit life. Cuz I seem to suck at it anyway, so I figure, cut my loses and quit. So I guess that's that. <br /><br /><br />"and you don't want to be here in the future<br />So you say<br />the present's just a pleasant<br />Interruption to the past<br />And you don't want to look much closer<br />'Cause you're afraid to find out all the hope<br />That you had sent into the sky by now had... crashed<br />and it did because of me<br /><br />And then you bring me home<br />Afraid to find out that you're alone, no<br />And I'm sleeping in your living room<br />But we don't have much room<br />To live" urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:inyourdreamz103:33160 2005-01-24T04:25:52Z 2005-01-24T04:25:52Z Taking Back Sunday - Theres No I In Team ok so yeh. not much happened this weekend.... snow fuckin sucks, i hate it. i want it to be summer. i want it to be warm and sunny so i can walk around in my bathing suit and skirts and be happy. i wanna go to the beach and get a tan. WINTER FUCKING BLOWS BALLS!!!!!<br /><br />thats really about all i have to say right now. so yeh.... later... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:inyourdreamz103:33014 2005-01-21T07:57:28Z 2005-01-21T07:57:28Z alright so anyway..... what a fuckin day/night. idk where to even start with this one. ok well first,Joe picked my up for school, cuz my car is still DOA (dead on its axil) and i went to class, finished up around 12:15 or so then spent the rest of the day with Joe Alex Emily and Herman. we picked up Lisa from school and chilled with her then went back to up school for Emilys class and Joes audition. then off to the diner (what else is new) and we picked up Liv along the way. then we dropped them off at their respected homes and headed off to Garfield. <br /><br />thats where everything started. i finally got to meet Joes brother Kris. have you ever been talkin to someone and just keep saying things you know you shouldnt be saying, but for some reason you cant help it or control it. yeh that was me when i was talkin to Kris. im gonna borrow a line from Mean Girls.... its like word vomit, you cant control it and once its out you cant take it back. i could not beleive the things i was saying to him, i had only known him for not even 10 mins and were talkin about.... well yeh you get the idea. <br /><br />ok so anyway, we left Garfield and went to the APD party. my first ever frat party (yes i was a frat party virgin) and now i know why i never wanted to go. it kinda sucked. but it wasnt all bad. some good things did happen and some didnt. <br /><br />ok so yeh. its not 2:41 am and i think its time for me to go to sleep. ane i will leave you with some words of wisdom..... "Your young, you should be able to live your life how you want to, and not based upon other peoples hopes and expectations of you. Do what you think is best for yourself and it will lead you down the right path. Besides, you only live once, why not make the most out of it and get the most out of it. Becasue if you dont, then what the hell are we all doing here?!"<br /><br />alright thats it for now, my head hurts from thinking too much. laterr kiddies. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:inyourdreamz103:32561 2004-11-30T23:21:10Z 2004-11-30T23:21:10Z ughhhhhhh....... i hate this time of year. everything is always so fuckin crazy. theres only like 24 more days till christmas and im not even close to being done with shoppin, infact i still have to shop for every except my mom, dad and bro. i hope to god i have enough money to pay for everything. lol. hopefully ill get my credit card soon and i can charge some of it and have alittle bit longer b4 i have to worry about payin it off, but dont worry i will pay it off. lol as of right now the grand total is almost 300 bucks. but i have like 319 in my checking account, but i can only use 119 of it, plus i have a few half way decent paychecks comin soon cuz ive been workin more hours. hopefully ill be able to do all this shit and not screw myself over. <br /><br />ahhhh so stressed. i need a vacation. cant wait for this shit to be over. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:inyourdreamz103:32391 2004-11-29T04:00:17Z 2004-11-29T04:00:17Z well my weekend started out shitty as fuck. i got a cold so i didnt go to my uncles with my fam on thanksgiving, then was almost completly ditched if it werent for lisa for inviting me over to her house for dinner. cuz eric didnt call me cuz he slept until noon. friday i worked from 3-9 with dayna and andrew. that was wonderful, lol, but atleast i didnt have to break up any fights. so thats good. and karlena stopped by to say hi nad that made thigns go alittle faster i guess. then eric and i went out to dinner and it was so weird, cuz we left the diner at like 11. i dont think ive left the diner that late in a long time. lol but then we didnt do much of anything afterwards cuz i had work at 10 the next morning. so i went to work from 10-6. that was hell. it was so fuckin busy it was unreal. so then i got out of work and went out with eric and chilled over at jays for alittle while then went back to my house and chilled. then today i went and opened my very own checking account at commerce. lol so now i have a check book and debit card and my credit card should be comin in the mail soon. lol im so excited. its like im an adult now. lol im a dork. <br /><br />tomorrow i have class then afterwards im goin to valley national to take some cash out to put in my checking account and then im goin xmas shoppin with mama. hopefully i can get some of it done so i dont go insane from runnin around the mall like 2 days before xmas, which coincidentally is my year anniversary. lol which also happens to be a thursday. i pointed that out to my darling boyfriend who replied with, "well that sucks for us doesnt it" lol i hope hes kidding. he better be kidding. lol. <br /><br />well i guess thats all for now. i cant really think of anything else to really talk about. so umm. yeh. laterr. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:inyourdreamz103:32225 2004-11-24T19:35:20Z 2004-11-24T19:35:20Z wow, some people need to figure out whats more important to them and follow through on promises. cuz if everyone would do that, then everyone would be much happier. but no, some people are too stupid to figure that out and theyre the ones who will be all alone when everythings comes down on them. treat others how you would want to be treated. its a simple concept and if everyone lived by that, then everyone would be better off. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:inyourdreamz103:31902 2004-11-20T23:20:03Z 2004-11-20T23:20:03Z i fuckin hate people right now, like i dont think you have any idea how much i really hate people, well not all people just one in particular. i think you know the one that im talkin about, the one who always has to fullfill his own selfish needs and to hell with anyone else feelings. yeh. whatever. i think im just gonna give up. thats probly my best choice right now. so whatever. he says he cares, lets just see how much he really does care. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:inyourdreamz103:31611 2004-11-18T16:25:45Z 2004-11-18T16:25:45Z in class yet again. it seems like the only time i update this thing is when im supposed to be learning. lol im actually doin well in my classes mostly a's and b's except maybe this class im in now, i think i have a c but i still have a paper to do so hopefully that will bring it up. speaking of papers i have another 6 hour job to write tonight lol. its due on monday so i do have time but i dont wanna have to worry about it over the weekend so im gonna take my day off from stup (eric) to do it. him wanting a day to himself is workin out pretty well for me actually, cuz it gives me a day/night where i can get everything i need to get done without distraction. so yeh. im gonna get a few things accomplished tonight, hopefully. lol alright well im gonna get back to work on my experiment for experimental psych. yeh im a dork i know. laterr. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:inyourdreamz103:31437 2004-11-14T00:50:57Z 2004-11-14T00:50:57Z so yeh today sucked ass. worked sucked as usual adn my life just blows in general, but i have to cut this short erics here. laterr urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:inyourdreamz103:30976 2004-11-11T15:57:47Z 2004-11-11T15:57:47Z i feel like absolute shit and no one cares. i was forced out of bed this morning when i couldnt even move, i have a stomach virus and am completly dehydrated and it blows. i just slept through my first 2 classes today and probly will do the same in this one. atleast its not fuckin cold in this room like the other 2. and hopefully my teacher will show up take attendence and turn the lights off and im goin back to sleep. and as soon as i get home im passin out. i cant fuckin stay awake anymore. i think i might end up in the hospital soon if this shit doesnt go away. cuz i cant eat or drink anything without gettin sick, so im not gettin any nutrients or none of that shit plus i cant keep fluids in my body so yeh i think i need to see a doctor soon or maybe ill just pass out or somehting, maybe then ppl will realize that im fuckin sick and i need help. so umm yeh, im gonna be alone and miserable tonight cuz me being sick means nothing to eric so wahtever to him too, he doesnt care if im sick, then hes not gonna get what he wants either. so yeh fuck him, fuck everyone. its time to pass out again. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:inyourdreamz103:30947 2004-11-07T02:47:00Z 2004-11-07T02:47:00Z this is my song. i wrote it all on my own. i just wanna know what all you ppl out there in live journal land think. so pleace comment and let me know. and yes i know that some of you know exactly what this song is about. and yes, i am a loser for writing about it.but whatever. i needed to vent my feelings somehow<br />so let me know what you think. thanks. <br /><br /><br /><br /> i wish you would come for me and try to make me happy<br />cuz your all i need to feel complete<br />please come for me cuz thats all i need.<br />i want to be with you and nobody else.<br />i want to be in your arms so i can be happy. <br />do you want me to be happy?<br /><br />cuz right now im lost and alone <br />and nobodys home<br />im dying inside <br />wishing someone would find me<br />and im crying all night <br />hidden from sight<br />the darkness consumes me <br />and i cant be happy <br />not when im so cold and alone<br /><br />i love you more than anything<br />but why wont you come for me<br />why wont you be there when i need you<br />when will i be happy<br />when will i be with you<br />when will you want me again,<br /> the way you used to<br />when will it seem like you love me again<br />when will we be back to where we started <br />where is the emotion<br />where is the caring<br />where is the passion <br />where is the love<br />will it ever come back<br /><br /><br />cuz right now im lost and alone <br />and nobodys home<br />im dying inside <br />wishing someone would find me<br />and im crying all night <br />hidden from sight<br />the darkness consumes me <br />and i cant be happy <br />not when im so cold and alone<br />not when im without you<br />not when your not holding me tight<br /><br />i need you with me so i can be happy<br />when will you be with me<br />i cant be cold and alone any longer<br />please come for me <br /><br />cuz im lost and alone <br />and nobodys home<br />im dying inside <br />wishing someone would find me<br />and im crying all night <br />hidden from sight<br />the darkness consumes me <br />and i cant be happy <br /><br />cuz your not with me<br />i need you with me<br />i need to be happy again urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:inyourdreamz103:30509 2004-11-04T16:49:35Z 2004-11-04T16:49:35Z whats up kiddies. well this week is basically over for me. this is the last class of the day for me today and tomorrow is my mental health day in which i get to sit on my ass and relax. woot. and erics takin the day off tomorrow too so i get to spend all day with him.... idk if thats a good thing or not yet but i guess ill find out. lol and theres only 2 more days till my rents return home. so i wanna make the most of my empty house. so yeh. other than that thats about it. oh yeh i got an 83 on my theory of personality midterm, which i had the answers for lol. right now im in the comp lab for experimental 2 and im not even payin any attention, i have aim express on and im talkin to ppl in class with me and a few that arent. lol and im probly gonna start harrassing eric soon too, i love nextel for that reason. i can text him from the computer. hehehe. lol but yeh idk. i just want this to be over soon. only about 25 more mins thank god. well im gonna go.. laterrr kidds. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:inyourdreamz103:30257 2004-10-28T15:33:26Z 2004-10-28T15:33:26Z im sittin in the computer lab at school right now doin absolutely nothin. i was goin over my degree audit for school lookin at what i had taken and what i still need. i figured out that if i can get my ass in gear and do extremely well and get my gpa up to atleast a 2.75 then by this time next year hopefully i could be appling for my practicum for education. and ill only be in school a semester later than origianlly planned which isnt too bad, i thought id be here for like another year or so. i only have like 6 or 7 psych courses left to take as well as some of the stupid general electives and upper level electives. but i gotta seriously start fuckin shit up in a good way, so im probly not gonna be goin out or chillin with many people untill like xmas break when i dont have to worry about classes. so yeh, i may be non exsistant for a while but itll be worth it in the end. atleast i hope it will be, so im gonna apologize now for not bein around like at all in the next 2 months or so, esp this weekend/week. i have a lab practical exam tomorrow for applied a&p then monday i have a midterm paper due, which i may hopefully get from my friend chris, if he still has it, it would help me out sooo fuckin much if he does. then on tuesday i have a test in applied a&p at 8 then a midterm in theory of personality at 9:30. then on thursday i have a test in experimental psych at 11 and then i have to go register for the spring semester which is always stressful. thats why im thinkin about takin a mental health day on friday and not do a damn thing, cuz i took off of work that day cuz my rents are gone for the week.. oh yeh i forgot that, my rents leave tomorrow afternoon and come back nov 6th. woot. but not really. so yeh, i guess thats all for now. idk when im gonna update again but ill try to update soon. laterr. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:inyourdreamz103:30138 2004-10-22T18:32:03Z 2004-10-22T18:32:03Z im so completly lost and confused right now. i wish i knew what the hell to do about all of this shit. i guess i cant fuckin handle it or deal with it or whatever the fuck i need to do with it. i wish i knew how to deal with this, i wish i could find my way through all this without getting hurt or hurting anyone else. god help me. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:inyourdreamz103:29765 2004-10-21T15:55:36Z 2004-10-21T15:55:36Z well last night was mad interesing to say the least. erics truck died on him while he was goin to jays last night and he had to leave it in a parking lot last night and had it towed this morning. and his biss was bein mad dick this morning tellin him that he has to come into work, so his boss came and picked him up so now i gotta go pick him up from work at 5 or so. it sucks but at the same time is ok i guess, that means i get to do the driving this weekend and if i dont like something im not gonna do it, cuz i have to drive. but oh well, cuz now i have to actually get gas more often then every 2 weeks or so, but whatever its ok cuz eric is always drivin my ass around so now i get to return the favor. so i guess it all works out, or atleast i hope it will. well i gotta go... laterr. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:inyourdreamz103:29551 2004-10-15T18:19:40Z 2004-10-15T18:19:40Z omg wow. people whine way too much, jesus fuckin christ, its unreal. but whatever i guess it doesnt matter. and no only really cares about anything i have to say anyway, like it doesnt matter that it seems like my little world is collapsing around me. but whatever, people only care about themselves, and thats kinda sad. so ive decided that from now on, im not carin about anyone else but myself and maybe eric is hes nice to me. cuz no one else cares about me so why should i care about them. and thats that for now. im out mother fuckers. see you all around.... maybe. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:inyourdreamz103:29438 2004-10-13T21:06:02Z 2004-10-13T21:06:02Z <img src="http://images.quizilla.com/M/mechangel/1066004559_esartistic.jpg" border="0" alt="Artistic"><br>You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be<br>poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and<br>creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.<br>Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet<br>also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs. <br /><br><br><a href="http://quizilla.com/users/mechangel/quizzes/What%20Type%20of%20Soul%20Do%20You%20Have%20%3F/"> <font size="-1">What Type of Soul Do You Have ?</font></a><br> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:inyourdreamz103:29118 2004-10-11T20:32:20Z 2004-10-11T20:32:20Z whatever to all of you. as it turns out i dont have any friends, cuz evidentally dayna hates me. but oh well i suppose. i cuz it happens. so whatever, fuck it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:inyourdreamz103:28752 2004-10-09T22:32:06Z 2004-10-09T22:32:06Z good charlotte - predictable guys can be so fuckin stupid at times. esp my darling boyfriend. he can be such a scumbag at times its unbelievable. he doesnt get me at all sometimes, or should i say most of the time. he really pisses me off, its unbelievable. its like i have to give into every little thing that he wants to do just so i can see him. like who does that?! honestly who?!?!?! alright well whatever. im fuckin out of here. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:inyourdreamz103:28475 2004-10-07T15:57:52Z 2004-10-07T15:57:52Z listenin to my teacher ramble on about nothing "smokin weed, smokin wizz, doin coke, drinkin beers, drinkin beers beers beers, rollin fatties, smokin blunts. who smokes the blunts? we smoke the blunts. rollin blunts and smokin blunts... hey man got a nickle? 15 bucks little man, put that shit in my hand and if that money doesnt show then you owe me owe me owe.... jungle love... owee owee owe." - jay and silent bob strick back. lol<br /><br />ok so yeh anyway. today is a fucked up day. lol i feel like im in 2 diff places at the same time. its kinda funny. like i feel like shit, but im so out of it, that i dont even realize how shitty i feel. it really is funny. im so gonna crash soon, like as soon as i get home i think. yeh def as soon as i get home.<br /><br />IM A GENIUS!!! i know how to do SPSS!!! woot. and i figured out how to cut and paste. hahaha im soooooo smart. and its almost time to go home... yay!!!